


Lie to me

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drama, During Canon, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-15
Updated: 2011-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-03 02:06:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8692234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Summary: Sam runs away at the age of fourteen, he got sick of the pain and the humiliation that his father has put him through. So he did the one thing that he knew that would save him. He faked his own death. Sometime later, during a hunt for his father, Dean stumbled across a town in L.A. He comes across someone who resembled his dead brother. What happens when Dean finds out the truth about Sam? Will Dean abandon him like he did all those years ago? Accidental wincest…Abuse, Rape, mentioning of suicide.





	1. Escape

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

Sam has had enough of the torture; he was laying in his and Dean's room crying. John had sent Dean out to get food that night, giving John plenty of time to beat the hell out of his youngest son. For reasons unknown, he never told Sam why, all he did was beat and abuse him. He made sure that Sam was in pain for weeks on end, but he also made sure that Dean never found out what was going on. He threatened Sam, if he ever told a living soul…his life would end.

 

"I can't live like this…" Sam remembered telling himself. He sniffled one last time as his bedroom door opened and in came John.

 

Sam pretended he was asleep, hoping that John would just leave. He didn't, instead he kicked Sam in the stomach to wake him up. He smiled when he heard his son groan. Dean was out in a bar, which meant he was home all night with John, and apparently he didn't have enough beating him earlier.

 

John rolled Sam onto his stomach and ripped the poor boy from his clothes. Sam's eyes widen with fear of what his father may do. He squirmed, trying to get away, but John smacked his back with a leather belt. Sam screamed, earning him another strike.

 

"Shut it…otherwise it will be worse." John whispered in the boy's ear.

 

Sam whimpered.

 

"That a boy, now I am going to have fun with you."

 

John spread Sam's legs till he was in pain, then he, without prep or lube, thrusted into Sam. Sam bit his lip trying to prevent the scream that was building up in his gullet. As he felt his father thrusting into him, he tried to close his eyes and imagine that he was somewhere else. That was until he felt another blow.

 

"I said answer me you bitch! You love my dick in you…don't you?" John yelled.

 

Sam was debating on saying no, but felt that it was best; he told his father what he wanted to hear.

 

"That's it Sammy…you're a whore aren't you?" John said as he continued to thrust. He felt his release coming a lot quicker than he had planned. What did he expect when he had his cock in the tightest ass in the world?

 

"Yes sir…"

 

"Tell me how much you want me to fill you with my seed, Sam."

 

"I want it sir, I want you to come in me." Sam said.

 

John smacked him again, "I said beg bitch!"

 

Sam did just that, he begged till his father came in him. John pulled out roughly and smacked Sam on his back again, for the road.

 

"Remember Sam…you tell anyone about this…" John made a show by dragging his thumb across his throat.

 

Sam got dressed and curled into a ball and cried. He was in so much pain, he was afraid to see how much blood he had lost this time around. He cried till he couldn't cry anymore. He didn't think he would survive this time around; it was a surprise to him that he did, his father gotten more aggressive, before it was just the beatings, none of them had split open like tonight's, nor did he ever rape him either. Sam knew that he wouldn't be able to survive the next time around. He silently swore that he will escape this hell hole of a life. He just didn't know when. Sam fell fast asleep with that resolve in his head.

 

The next morning Sam woke up and saw Dean laying in his own bed sleeping, blissfully unaware of the type of man their father was. Sam carefully got out of bed, still sore from the previous night. He checked the house to see if John was home, he smiled lightly when that turned out to be a positive benefit. He pulled off his blood stained sheet and threw them away, along with his pajamas. He grabbed spare clothing and headed towards the shower to wash off the blood that was caked on him. He turned on the water and stepped under the waterfall, wanting to cry out as the water hit his back. But he felt his body relax after awhile. He carefully wiped down the cuts and all when he heard the bathroom door open. He froze, his heart pounding a mile a minute. He saw the figure drop their clothes in the hamper and pulled back the curtain. There he came face to face with his older brother. He sighed. Sam moved back and allowed Dean in; they often did this when John wasn't home.

 

"What's the matter Sammy? You look like you just seen a ghost…"

 

"Nothing Dean…everything was okay. Just…tired that's all."

 

Sam made the mistake of turning around and showing Dean his back. He jumped when he felt Dean's finger tracing a cut. He turned back around and shoved the things that were in his hand into Dean's.

 

"Sammy, what the hell happened?"

 

"Nothing…it was just an accident." Sam pulled back the curtains and quickly stepped out of the tub before Dean could ask any more questions.

 

He hated lying to Dean, but he knew that his older brother would never believe him about their father. He had to leave, but he didn't know how. He knew that if he left, John and Dean would track him down, and John could possibly kill him. He dressed quickly, trying to ignore the excruciating pain that circulated throughout his body.

 

"Sam, why not go lay down if you're in that much pain. I'll take care of your chores before Dad comes home…" He heard his brother say.

 

"No…I'll take care of them. I've felt worse pain than this…" Sam said. He didn't want Dean to think he was weak because he couldn't take a little bit of pain.

 

"I mean it Sam…go lay down." Dean said with a little more force in his tone. He hated seeing his brother in agony.

 

"Fine," Sam muttered, limping his way to the bedroom. Once he got in there he found his bed made, he smiled as he climbed into the sheets. He took one sniff and found that Dean gave him one of his old sheets. His smile got bigger as Dean's scent lulled him to sleep.

 

As night drew near, Dean got a phone call stating that John was going to be another two days. He walked into the room with the sleeping Sam. He pushed on his brother's shoulder lightly, to wake him up. He cringed when he saw Sam flinch and curl up.

 

"Sam…"

 

Sam uncurled and saw Dean look at him with worried eyes.

 

"What?"

 

"Dad just called, he said he'll be another two days."

 

Sam relaxed. "Okay…Dean I'm extremely tired…can I go back to sleep."

 

"Sure kiddo…I'm going out…but I'll be back later on tonight okay?"

 

Sam grumbled his response. His brother smiled and kissed Sammy's forehead and then got dressed. He left for the bar down the street, unaware what was going on inside his brother's mind.

 

As Sam tried drifting off back to sleep, his mind started to think of ways for him to escape the damnable life he was living, when he saw no escape, one simple thought appeared in his head. Death, he has to fake his own death. He needed to leave, and it seemed like tonight was the night. Sam waited another two hours for Dean to come home. When his brother never showed, Sam crawled out of the bed and gathered some of his things, as well as his money. He carried the bags to the back of the small apartment, and snuck back in. He went into his dad's room and grabbed the lighter and the fluid. He went back into his room, tears filling his eyes; he drenched his and Dean's bed in gasoline. He soaked Dean's pile of dirty clothes as well. He whispered an apology before he tossed the can and climbed out the window. He flicked the lighter, and tossed it into the room. He stood back and watched the room light up before he turned away, leaving behind his life once and for all.

 

Dean was sitting in the bar having himself a drink, his mind was rattled with the thoughts of Sam. His brother's been off for awhile and it scared him. He knew that Sam was clumsy, hell everyone knew that, but there was something about those cuts, and those marks on his back. He shrugged it off as he finished his last shot and got off the stool. He walked outside of the bar, only to see smoke. It was coming from one location, the location of his motel room.

 

'Sam!' Dean thought as he ran down the street. There he saw the apartment in flames. People were already there trying to put out the fire, he tried running past them, yelling for Sam. No response.

 

When the fire was put out, they found no remains. They did however, find a wallet. They brought it out to Dean and showed him what they have found. Dean fell onto his knees as he noticed whose wallet that was.

 

"No, no, no, this can't be happening…" Dean mumbled.

 

"Son, do you know whose wallet this belongs to?" The guy asked again.

 

Dean nodded, "My baby brother's…"

 

Dean felt tears in his eyes for the second time that day. He had lost the only person in his life that he cared about. The only person that made him feel human, the only one who made him feel like he was alive, and complete. He hated this, he hated Sammy. He hated Sammy for leaving him. He grabbed his cell and left a message in his father's voicemail about the fire. He knew that he would get a beating for leaving Sam, but he didn't care. Nothing could hurt worse, than this. Than losing the only person in your life that you ever cared about.

 

Sam hiked along the highway. He didn't trust people, especially not after the experience that he had with them. He was exhausted, but he knew if he stopped, there would be a possibility that someone may recognize him from one of the trios, he couldn't risk it. He's been walking all night now; the only thought running through his head right now was Dean. He knew that Dean was going to be in pain, especially for leaving him that night. He knew that Dean was going to feel guilt, but he hoped one day that everything will be good for Dean in the long run, that one day his brother will forget that he ever existed.

 

Sam caved in to the need for sleep. He found a spot underneath the underpass and rolled out his sleeping bag. He stashed his knife under his pillow, and fell asleep with thoughts of his brother in his head.

 

Sam was turning and tossing all night with a nightmare that seemed too vivid for his liking.

 

John was beating on him, he could feel each blow over and over again. And it hurt; he could feel the blood trickling down his body. He could hear laughter in the back round. He turned his head to see Dean in the shadows.

 

"Dean…" Sam whimpered out.

 

Dean did nothing but laugh as John continued to beat on him. After what seemed like hours, Dean joined in.

 

"It's all your fault Sam…" Both men muttered.

 

Sam cried silently as he continued to feel the blows. He felt his bones crack, muscles swelling.

 

Sam jolted up and was gasping for breath. He looked around and saw that it was morning. So he got up and started to walk, hoping to reach a new town by sundown.

 

At the sign of a new town, Sam started to run, ignoring the pain in his body. He was so close to freedom, he could taste it. As he ran up the ramp, a truck pulled beside him.

 

"Need any help young man?" The man asked.

 

"Actually yeah…could you direct me to the bus station?" Sam asked.

 

"Sure…I can take you there, if you like? I am heading there myself." The man offered.

 

Sam was pensive, but he needed the ride. He needed to give his sore muscles time to rest. So he nodded then climbed into the truck. The man pulled away, deciding to buy the kid some food.

 

Sam gasped as they pulled to a fast food joint. They pulled through the drive through. The man turned around and asked Sam if he wanted anything. Sam wanted to say no, but he found his stomach growling.

 

"Can I have a chicken salad?" Sam asked in a timid voice.

 

"Sure," The man pulled up to the window and ordered a chicken salad with a coke, along with a cheeseburger and an order of fries and a large coke. As the man paid for their food and directly handed Sam his, Sam pushed some bills in the older man's hand.

 

"You keep it…"

 

"Are you sure?" Sam asked.

 

"Yeah…"

 

They ate in silence. For the first time, Sam relaxed.

 

"May I ask…what is your name?" Sam asked.

 

"My name is Castiel…now what is yours?"

 

"Sam…" Sam said. He finally caught a glimpse of Castiel. He wore a suit with a long brown trench coat, had short curly black hair, and sea blue eyes, his facial expression was neutral.

 

As they pulled to the bus stop, Sam turned his head to Castiel, he didn't know why but he felt like he could tell this guy anything, but he didn't.

 

"Thank you Castiel, I really appreciate what you have done for me."

 

Castiel nodded, once Sam closed the door, he walked into the bus station and got a ticket to L.A.

 

As Castiel watched Sam leave, he said a quick apology for the pain that Sam went through. It was never meant to be like that.


	2. United

  
Author's notes: Not many left before I have to start writing...  


* * *

United

 

-Eight years later-

 

Sam was eating at a diner with one of his friends that he had since the first day that he arrived to L.A. Tony was the first person that helped him around, and they've been together ever since.

 

"Hey Sam…" Sam turned around to face the door to see Tony's girlfriend, Chloe.

 

"Hey Chloe, how are you?" Sam asked. Chloe and Tony have been dating for the last four years; they met at a college tour, and dated ever since. Sam was happy for the duo, although from time to time, Sam did feel a little jealous. He wanted to have someone to hold, and love. He wanted to be held and loved, but he knew that he wouldn't want anyone besides his brother. Tony looked over at Sam and noticed the lost look in his eyes; he knew that h only get that look when it came to his brother. Tony sighed; he knew that things would be hard on Sam, especially this time around.

 

It would be eight years today that Sam lost his older brother. Tony never asked for details, he figured that Sam would tell him once he was ready. All he knew was that he ran away from home, not understanding what caused him to do it. He also knew that everyone in his family thought he was dead. The last thing that Tony knew about his friend was that he was in love with his older brother. At first, Tony couldn't really accept it, but after taking some time to think about it, he came to terms that not everyone liked the same "person". Meaning that some people are gay, bi, or straight, some may like their own family in that way. So he apologized to Sam what he had said about him, ever since then, the duo was inseparable.

 

"Sam, are you sure you want to hang out by yourself today?" Tony asked. He hated seeing his friend like this.

 

"…Yeah, I need to spend some time to think for myself. I'll…see you guys later." Sam said as he got up to leave.

 

Once he headed towards the door after giving his friends a hug, he heard the door open. He looked up and saw a gorgeous male walking through. The man looked over at Sam and smiled, albeit…a small one.

 

"Is the food here any good?" The male asked. Sam felt his veins heat up.

 

"Yeah…they have bacon cheese burgers, curly fries. As for my opinion, they are the best." Sam said; he nearly smacked himself for giving that answer.

 

The male grins, and then nods. "I'll have to try them."

 

Tony saw the look in Sam's eyes. He knew that there must be something special between this guy and his friend, Sam never had that look with anyone.

 

"What are you doing around this little town?" Tony asked.

 

The guy looked up. He looked like he was debating on answering truthfully or not. When he spoke, Sam could swear that his heart stopped. It sounded rich and velvety.

 

"I'm looking for someone, I was on my way to L.A. but, I thought I would rest up here for a day. But I can't seem to find a cheap place to stay."

 

"Well, my friend Sam here…knows this little town like the back of his hand. So, I am sure that he wouldn't mind showing you around. Would you Sam?" Tony grinned mischievously.

 

Sam glared at Tony. He knew what Tony was trying to do. He looked back at the guy and smiled apologetically. He saw the guy flinched at his name. He couldn't help but to wonder why.

 

"Sure, that would be nice if he was free. I don't want to bother him if he was busy."

 

Before Sam could answer, Tony interjected. "Sam is free; he has nothing to do today. –he pushed Sam towards the guy and hurried to the door before Sam could beat him up- Have fun Sammy!"

 

"Bastard…" Sam mumbled. He turned to look at the other guy. He saw the male's eyes widen, and then a look of sadness came over him.

 

"Since we know my name, may I ask what yours is?"

 

"Dean."

 

Sam swore that his heart just stopped and that he died; there was no way in hell that this was his brother.

 

Dean pulled into the parking lot of a diner; he sat for a moment to think. He had a lot to think about, today was the eighth anniversary of his baby brother's death. The day Dean went back to the apartment and saw it in flames, he became a wreck. His father was nowhere to be found, he lost the only person that made him feel alive and loved. He knew that he sounded like a chick, but he couldn't help the overwhelming sensation of emotion that flew throughout his body.

 

The cops said that the fire was purposely caused, and that the starter was the clothes on the floor. Dean's clothes, they didn't know whether to call it suicide or murder, but either way, his baby brother was dead. Dean flinched at the thought when they told him it could have been a suicide, he just didn't understand what Sam was thinking that night, he thought they told each other everything. He thought that Sam trusted him to tell him what was wrong. No, Dean thought that night, it wasn't a suicide. It was murder, someone killed his baby brother, for reasons unknown. They searched for two years on who could have done it, but it was cold and dead. Just like how Dean felt now, he felt a tear flow freely down his cheek as he thought about the past with his baby boy. 'I can't call him that…he was never mine…' Dean thought to himself. He shook his head and got out of the car…it was late so he knew he better eat, then find a motel room, putting off to find his father for the night. He walked up to the glass doors and walked in.

 

He looked around the place; he saw a counter with a couple of stools in front of it. The stools looked new; they couldn't have been more than a year old Dean surmised. He looked around the place, he saw a few paintings of different scenery, he also saw quite of a few booths, tables and chairs.

 

"…you sure you want to be by yourself today?" He heard someone say.

 

He looked around the room to see where the conversation was.

 

"Yeah, I need to spend some time to myself…I'll see you guys later." He saw the guy stand up. Dean gasped, the male was gorgeous. He was 6"4, sandy colored hair, and had the most beautiful green eyes.

 

He noticed the male was about to leave, but for some odd reason, he wanted that man to stay. Before he could stop himself, he asked, "Is the food any good?"

 

"Yeah…they have bacon cheese burgers, curly fries. As for my opinion, they are the best." The voice was heart melting to Dean.

 

"I'll have to try them."

 

"What are you doing in a small town like this?" Dean darted his eyes from the tall male to the medium height male. He smiled lightly.

 

"I'm looking for someone, I was on my way to L.A. but, I thought I would rest up here for a day. But I can't seem to find a cheap place to stay."

 

"Well, my friend Sam here…knows this little town like the back of his hand. So, I am sure that he wouldn't mind showing you around. Would you Sam?" The guy looked at the taller male and grinned evilly.

 

When the male said his name, Dean couldn't help but flinch and feel sad. He had to run into someone who had his baby brother's name, on the day that he died. Dean's day kept looking better and better, Dean rolled his eyes at that saying.

 

"Sure, that would be nice if he was free. I don't want to bother him if he was busy," the words slipped from lips before he could stop them. He felt his face heat up a little.

 

Before Sam could answer, the other guy interjected. "Sam is free; he has nothing to do today. –he pushed Sam towards the guy and hurried to the door- Have fun Sammy!"

 

Dean's face fell again. He was thrown back into the past and it hurt. He really didn't understand why today was the most painful day of the last eight years. He understood why he was in pain, but why was it excruciating this time.

 

Sam shifted from one foot to another, "Since we know my name, may I ask what you're name is?"

 

"Dean," he replied as he walked towards the counter, he never noticed the younger male frozen where he stood for a second, before joining him at the bar.


	3. Remembering

It's been a week since Dean walked into the diner and met Sam. Sam kept his promise; he showed Dean the town, the two talking about nothing at all, just random things. They both felt close to each other, almost like they knew each other. Sam told Dean how he met Tony, and Chloe. Dean told Sam who he was looking for; he asked Sam if anyone came by of John's description. Sam shook his head. Dean never noticed the tensed muscles, or the tension in the air at the mention of John's name.

 

"What did you go to college for?" Dean asked as they ate breakfast. They've done this now for the last few days. It felt good to have a friend, even though he was reminded of his death brother.

 

"I went for general; I was debating on whether to go back for Law, but still undecided though." Sam answered. He felt saddened in a way; Dean acted so much like his brother. But he couldn't be Dean; Dean wouldn't come to a small town, even if it was to look for John. He knew that there wasn't a case nearby. Sam took a chance and asked Dean a question, hoping that it wasn't going to be a bad idea.

 

"What did you come by this town for?" Sam asked, his nerves were shaking, but he kept his exterior shell neutral.

 

"Honestly, I came here because my baby brother loved small towns. He died eight years ago in a fire, so every year on his birthday, I would go to a small town and stay there and not work. Like me and him did when we were little." Dean felt a tear slide down his cheek at the thought of Sam.

 

Sam's heart fluttered, this was Dean. This was his older brother.

 

"So, why are you sticking around now?" Sam asked. He was truly curious to know why he was staying a week after his birthday.

 

"Honestly…you," Dean wanted to shoot himself. He didn't want to tell him that, in fact he didn't want to give Sam any information at all. 'Why am I such a girl…?' Dean thought to himself.

 

Sam stumbled back; he didn't want to keep his brother from a job. It always hurt when someone said it was your fault that something happened.

 

"I'm sorry…" Sam mumbled.

 

Dean looked at him, his facial feature was perplexed. "For what?"

 

"For keeping you from your work…"

 

Dean smiled lightly, he noticed that he's been smiling a lot over the week, and none of them were forced. He was amazed, he usually forces his smiles. No one made him smile this much, no one except Sammy.

 

"Sam, you're not keeping from my work, believe me. I like being here, being with you." Dean cursed at himself for the last part. He checked himself to see if his nuts left him, or if he could still consider himself as a male.

 

Sam was shocked; Dean never admitted anything to him when they were younger, so why start now. He blushed as he recalled Dean's statement. He decided to tell Dean some truth; he felt that Dean deserved to know how he felt for him. But he wasn't planning on telling Dean who he was until the time was right.

 

"I like you being here with me too Dean." Sam smiled when he saw a small blush on Dean's face. He hoped like hell that he was reading it right; he leaned over and pressed his lips on Dean's. His lips felt soft and smooth. He loved the feel of them.

 

Saying that Dean was shocked was an understatement, he was bewildered. He didn't mean it like he liked the guy like that. Although he did, but he never wanted to admit that to Sam, he was able to read him like his little brother did. Dean smiled, and pushed into the kiss. He slid his tongue out and licked over Sam's, tasting the syrup from their breakfast, and something that was purely Sam. He really couldn't get over how well Sam tasted. He slid his hands up Sam's thighs and grasped his waist. He felt Sam rub up his arms and linked them around his neck, pulling him closer to his body.

 

"Sam…" Dean whispered when they pulled apart for air.

 

"Dean, I'm so sorry man. I really don't know what came over me…usually I am able to think before I act…" Sam kept rambling on, making Dean chuckle. Dean soon found it annoying and smacked Sam over the head to get him to shut up, he grinned when Sam pouted.

 

"Sam…what I was going to say is that I think we need to go back to my room or something…I wanna continue this and see where it goes…don't you?" Again Dean wanted to shoot himself, why was he turning into such a female; he pressed his body closer to Sam's.

 

Sam moaned slightly when he felt Dean's body mold onto his. He missed this; he missed curling into his older brother when he was younger. Dean heard this and smirked, knowing how sensitive Sam's body must be; he decided to have fun with him.

 

"Shall we?" Dean asked, Sam eagerly nodded, not trusting his voice to answer.

 

Sam reluctantly pulled away from Dean and led him to a nearby apartment.

 

"This is my home, well…what's left of it anyway…" Sam said sadly.

 

"What do you mean by what's left of it?" Dean couldn't help but asked; he regretted it when he heard a small sob.

 

"Hey, it's okay…you don't have to tell me."

 

"It was two years ago. The guy who lived here was murdered, murdered because he took me in." Sam answered silently.

 

"Why, and what do you mean "took you in"?"

 

Sam sighed; he figured he would tell Dean the truth about what happened. "I was raped and abused when I was twelve, my father never told me why. All he ever said was it was your fault. When my thirteenth birthday came around, I decided to get away from the place. But I realized that if I tried running, my dad would find me. So I found a way for them to lose my scent. Mr. Simmons took me in when he found me curled up under the bridge asleep. He told me that if anyone asked, that he adopted me. I found out later why, the people around here are very…wary about helping people who live off of the street. So, they shot him, and burned him in his house. When I came back, I quickly put out the fire and rebuilt what I could…and lived out of it since." Sam whispered the last part; he felt a tear down his cheek. He smiled lightly when he felt Dean pad it away with his thumb. "Sorry, I know you never wanted to hear my shitty life story." Sam apologized.

 

"It's okay…as my brother once said…and as much as it pissed me off, he was right, don't keep such things bottled up. If you have someone who is willing to listen, then talk to them."

 

Sam smiled, that wasn't exactly how he put it, but it was nice when Dean remembered. "Thank you…" Sam pressed a light kiss on Dean's mouth as he wrapped his arm around the small waist and pulled him inside the rundown house.


	4. Mistakes

Mistakes

 

Sam pulled Dean on top of him and slammed his lips onto Dean. His skin felt like it was on fire when Dean slid his hands underneath his shirt. Dean ordered for Sam to lift his arms up, he smiled when the younger male did just that, he slowly but surely pulled the younger male's shirt over his head. Dean looked over the muscles the guy had, they felt very smooth and velvety. He had scars riding across his abdomen, and little ones across him arms. Dean smiled tenderly, understanding the scars on the other's body for himself have some. When he glided his hands down Sam's back, he saw him flinch.

 

"What happened, did I hurt you?" Dean asked worriedly.

 

"No, you're hands are a bit cold, I haven't really allowed the cold to hit my back much, and otherwise I would be constant pain…" Sam drifted off. Dean got off of the bed and sat behind Sam, gasping at what he saw.

 

Sam's whole back was littered with scars. He rubbed his hand genuinely down Sam's back, tracing each scar with his finger.

 

"What happened?"

 

Sam took a deep breath and shuddered at the memory of the last time he saw his dad, and his brother. "I don't remember much…" Sam lied; he felt Dean's tongue trace each one slowly. He shuddered at the feel of the velvety muscle slide across each line.

 

"Dean…" Sam moaned.

 

Dean smiled; he licked up the long pillar of the neck and blew air onto the wet spot, making Sam moan again. Dean actually chuckled at how sensitive Sam was. Every little touch got a reaction out of him. He pushed Sam back on the bed and claimed his lips again, licking the luscious meat before diving into Sam's mouth, trying to memorize the taste. Somewhere back in Dean's mind, guilt started to rise up, and he felt like he was breaking a promise to himself, as well as to Sammy. He promised that his first with a male was going to be with his brother. Not with a stranger.

 

Sam rocked his hips into Dean, getting a startled groan from the man above him. He felt guilty as all hell, he was about to have sex with his older brother, and he didn't even know it was Sammy. He wanted to stop this, but after seeing the look of pure need in his big brother's eyes, all thought left him. He wanted to feel Dean; he wanted to know that it was real. That he was finally with his older brother again.

 

"Dean please…"

 

"What do you want Sammy?" The old name slipped from Dean's lips, not knowing until after it happened.

 

Sam froze, did Dean know? He felt the male above him freeze as well.

 

"I'm sorry," Dean mumbled into the juncture of Sam's neck. He got up off of Sam and walked away, only stopping when he felt Sam grab his wrist.

 

"It's okay Dean…I should be the one to apologize…"

 

Dean cocked his head to the side, "For what?"

 

Sam lowered his head, it was now or never. He couldn't live with seeing Dean in anymore pain.

 

"For leaving you all those years ago…"

 

"Sam, what the hell are you talking about?"

 

Sam sighed; he should have known his brother was going to be thickheaded. "My name is Samuel Winchester; I have a father named John, a mother named Mary and a brother named Dean…" Sam introduced himself, as if he was talking to a stranger.

 

"You can't be…my brother died eight years ago in a house fire…" Dean stumbled back.

 

"Dean…"

 

Dean backed away, he needed to get out. He needed air. "Stay away, stay away from me."

 

"Dean Winchester, are you really telling me you couldn't figure it out." Sam said. He was partially surprised at what he said.

 

The truth was slammed into Dean's face. He wanted to puke, hug Sam, and hit him…all at once. He did the latter; he balled up his fist and punched Sam right in his mouth.

 

Sam didn't move he knew he deserved it.

 

"You don't know a fucking thing about me…" Dean said, still not believing that this was Sam, his brother.

 

"Then, if I wasn't your baby brother, how would I know this…that amulet…around your neck, I gave it to you when we were kids, the year I found out what Dad really does…you never took off, unless it was to clean it." Sam explained. He saw Dean's eyes widen, and then he felt another punch in his face.

 

Dean knew that only Sam could have remembered his amulet, and he was right. Dean never took it off, not unless he was cleaning it. Anger hit him full force as he punched his brother again.

 

"You are a fucking coward; you left me…you left me alone with no one to care for or about."

 

"You had Dad, Dean…you didn't need a bratty brother, as you would always say, to always be around you." Sam stood up.

 

"You're right, I didn't want a bratty brother around me…I wanted you to be around me…you caught the tail end of the conversation you idiot! Someone asked me if I would change my family if I had the chance…I said no. They asked why, I told them that I didn't want a bratty brother, I wanted my brother." Dean looked down, he felt his hands shake.

 

He reached up and punched Sam again, trying to show Sam how much pain he felt the year Sam left.

 

"You don't understand Sam…I died the day you left you selfish son-of-a-bitch. I couldn't stand not being able to forgive myself for leaving you that night. You were my brother Sam; I was supposed to protect you. I got my ass kicked on a hunt because of you! I thought there were no secrets between us Sam. Fuck you," Dean started to walk out, until Sam said something he hoped he didn't regret.

 

"The night I left…Dad raped me…"


	5. Chapter 5

Ch5: Truth 

 

Dean stalked over to Sam, not believing what he had heard.

 

"Dad did what?" Dean asked.

 

"He raped me, the night I left, he raped me."

 

"You really expect me to believe that? You left me Sam…you left us! You lied to me! I bet you never thought of me while you were while you were out here living your perfect life. I bet you never one thought about what I was doing, or how I was doing since you supposedly death. I wasted one year, one year, looking for the son-of-a-bitch, which apparently was useless, since you are still breathing, and people call me selfish." Dean seethed; he walked away before he did something he would regret.

 

"You're wrong Dean…I knew how you were. I saw right through you when I realized who you were. I thought about you everyday wondering how you were, wondering if you thought about me as much as I thought about you, or if you were happy that I "died", since you didn't have a bratty brother on your tail. I often wondered if my journal survived through the fire and if you read it." Sam finished in a whisper. He saw Dean shook, he flinched somewhat. He was scared that Dean was going to kick his ass again.

 

"Happy? You thought I was happy? Pretty far fucking from it! I missed you Sammy! I couldn't believe that my brother was dead! I WENT FUCKING INSANE SAM! I was an emotional wreck! I didn't fucking care if I hurt anyone…why should I? Why should I give a damn for anyone else, or anything else when I was in constant pain, no choice but to live it?" Dean sighed, but he wasn't finished. He walked up to Sam and slammed his lips into his brothers. He pulled back and punched Sam in the nose again. "I loved you, you bastard! I would have fucking protected you!"

 

"How Dean? How where you going to protect me from your father? You fucking worshiped the man! You really expect me to believe that you would have dropped everything to save my ass!" Sam was pissed at the accusation.

 

"Yeah…because that's what a loved one did for one another. They protect each other…well try to." Dean got up sadly and walked away from Sam, his heart was clenching in his chest.

 

Sam curled up into a ball and cried; one of his worst fears came true. His brother leaving him, possibly for good, all because of a lie that started the day he ran away ten years ago. He decided to cherish the memories he received while being with his big brother.

 

"I'm sorry Dean…"

 

It's been a week since Dean walked out on a bloody Sam. Sam told Tony some of what happened. He left out that his brother beat the crap out of him and left. He told Tony that Dean said he was going to look for their father. Tony shook his head and picked a spot for his girl. They ate lunch together, but today Sam wasn't up for it so he excused himself and left the diner. He went straight home; he hated what has become of his life. His dreams, that were once sweet and romantic, have turned into nightmares. He knew that Dean was right; he should have told his brother. But Sam was threatened, why couldn't Dean get that? Why didn't his brother believe him? He knew deep down that he never would have.

 

"He is Daddy's little soldier." Sam often said to himself. Sam thought that he should just try to forget everything that had happened. He hated the events that occurred, but he knew he couldn't let it ruin his life. He drifted off into slumber, not thinking of things that are coming towards him.

 

Dean was driving around looking for any clues or hunts. He knew that he left Sam in a really bad condition. But he also knew that Sam cold take care of himself. He has once before, for the last ten years in fact. Dean really never understood what he hated the most, the thought that Sam never needed him, or that he ignored Sam's silent cry for help. He remembered back when they were young, when he saw those marks on his baby brother's back.

 

_Dean jumped in the shower with Sam. They have done it for awhile, when John wasn't home. Dean really didn't want to get on the bad side of his father. He noticed red marks on Sam's back so he turned his brother so his back was facing him. He traced one of the cuts, and noticed that Sam jumped._

_"Sammy, what the hell happened?"_

_"Nothing…it was just an accident." Sam pulled back the curtains and quickly stepped out of the tub before Dean could ask any more questions._

_He hated lying to Dean, but he knew that his older brother would never believe him about their father. He had to leave, but he didn't know how. He knew that if he left, John and Dean would track him down, and John could possibly kill him. He dressed quickly, trying to ignore the excruciating pain that circulated throughout his body._

_"Sam, why not go lay down if you're in that much pain. I'll take care of your chores before Dad comes home…" He heard his brother say._

_"No…I'll take care of them. I've felt worse pain than this…" Sam said. He didn't want Dean to think he was weak because he couldn't take a little bit of pain._

_"I mean it Sam…go lay down." Dean said with a little more force in his tone. He hated seeing his brother in agony._

_"Fine," Sam muttered, limping his way to the bedroom._

 

Dean flinched at the thought of the past. He swore that he was going to find out the truth, one way or the other.


	6. Truth

It felt like forever until Dean was able to track John down. He searched for two weeks since that incident with Sam. Dean settled with hunts then going back, as much as he wanted to. His heart hurt, he was with his brother, and he never noticed until Sam told him who he was.

 

"I'm such a fucking idiot…" Dean whispered to himself. He wished that he could go back and make it up to him, but he knew it was too late. He ignored all calls from Sam; he wasn't really in the mood to talk to him. He knew that one sound of Sam's voice, he would be rushing back.

 

He was now at Denver Colorado when he caught John's last location from a contact. He traveled to Amsterdam in NY; he went to the motel and checked in. He walked into the room and found a leather journal on the bed. He picked it up and scanned through it. It was his father's; he continued to scan to the back of the book, as he reached near, something caught his glimpse. He fell back onto the bed, stomach twisting and turning with guilt as he read those lines. He really didn't want to believe that his father was so cruel.

 

_Punishing the killer of my beloved Mary, punishing Sam, the kid I never wanted. Why Mary wanted the second child I don't know, so close to making that boy beg for death before I give him what he wished, by my own fists I will break that boy's neck in several different places._

_Today I watched him squirm as I shoved my cock into his ass over and over again, and whipped him till his back started to bleed. I smiled the whole time I did it; maybe I'll talk Dean into helping me with the next beating. The freak was in love with him, so seeing him may help speed the process of him begging to be killed. Oh well, we'll see at next week's beating._

 

Dean sat up quickly and ran to the bathroom before he vomited. Sam was telling the truth, all of it, and the worst of it all, Dean never saw it coming. Never saw fear in Sam's eyes, the pain the boy was under. He felt disgusted and horrible with himself.

 

"Oh God Sammy…what have I done?" Dean got up and dressed himself before jumping into his car to rush back to Sam.

 

It took him two weeks, with barely any sleep to get back to L.A. He ran straight to his brother's apartment only to find Tony exiting the house.

 

"Is Sam in there?"

 

Dean didn't even get an answer at first; Tony punched him right in the mouth. Dean let it go, he deserved it.

 

"He loved you, and you left him. He trusted you, and you abandoned him. What kind of brother are you?" Tony sneered.

 

"I get it, I am a dick, and I deserve an ass kicking. Please, tell me where my brother is, I really need to talk to him."

 

"Sam is in a hospital, he got stabbed two weeks ago, he's in a coma."

 

Dean fell onto his knees. He felt his heart freeze and a tear fall. He got up slowly, and got to his car numbingly, he was going to set things right. He was going to make it right with Sammy. Or he will die trying.


	7. Chapter 7

It's been weeks since Dean returned. He sat by Sam's side, never leaving it. He wanted to talk to him, to beg for him to forgive him, but he knew deep down that he didn't deserve it. He wanted to hold his brother close and tight. He wanted to be sure that his brother was okay before he left to sleep.

 

Toney felt bad for him, of course he still hated him, he left Sam when he needed him the most. He told Dean several times to go to a hotel and sleep, but Dean was persistent. He sighs and left the room, he told the doctor that there was a male in Sammy's room who was trying to kill him on sleep deprivation. The doctor went into the room and sedated Dean and placed on the hospital bed next to Sam.

 

It's been six months since the day Dean returned, and he was having so much guilt and pain built up in his body, as well as doubt. Doubt that Sam will ever wake up. He decided to take a walk, so he got up stiffly and went to Sam's bed.

 

"I miss you Sammy, I need you. Please, don't leave me. Not now, not ever. I swear to you, when you come back, I will make it up to you. I will never leave you," Dean leaned up and placed a small kiss on his lips. "I'll be right back, baby brother. I promise." He got up and started to leave the room when he heard a weak voice calling his name.

 

"Dean?"

 

"Sammy!" Dean rushed over back to Sam to see his eyes flutter open.

 

"You're…you're here," Sam said in amazement.

 

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm sorry I never helped you. Please forgive me." Dean begged.

 

"I…I can't Dean, you left me."

 

Dean's heart shattered, but he expected Sam to say that. So he decided to do something he never wanted to before. He would stop hunting, and heal up Sam.

 

"I'll work for it Sammy, I promise you. You sleep; I'm going to get food."

 

Sam nodded, he closed his eyes and snuggled into bed, "Can…can I have a kiss?"

 

Dean chuckled, "Sure baby brother." He leaned up and sealed his lips on Sammy's lips. He loved his little brother, he made an oath to forever protect Sam the best he could. He broke the kiss and looked at Sammy who fell asleep. He got up, placed a small kiss on his brother's forehead before leaving to get food. He was happy that his brother was alive, and awake.

_Two Weeks Later_

Dean went back to the hospital room where Sam was, Tony and Chloe were leaving when he arrived, and he smiled at them both then nodded at Tony. He walked in and saw his brother eating, he smiled. He smiled bigger when Sammy looked up and smiled softly. However that smile still didn't reach to his eyes, and it broke his heart.

 

"Hey Sammy," Dean said as he walked into the pale room.

 

"Dean, you're here." Sam said in shock.

 

Dean nodded. "I promised Sammy, and I plan on keeping it." He went closer to Sammy and sat on the chair that he became the most accustomed to. He sat there, spacing out, debating on whether to tell him or not.

 

"Dean?" Sam called him.

 

Dean looked over at him, "Yeah Sammy?"

 

"Do you know when I am going to be able to go home?"

 

Dean nodded, and pulled out Sam's clothing, "Today, and I'm staying with you until you're better."

 

Sam nodded and smiled softly.

 

Dean waited until Sam was finished eating before he moved the tray. He knew that Sam was too stiff to dress himself. He removed the blanket and went to Sam and helped him move, legs dangling from the side of the bed. He untied the strings from the back; he just wanted to get it all done all at once. He looked up and saw Sam blush a little and he smiled, he leaned in for a kiss to take his mind off the task at hand, he was happy that Sam obliged. He kissed Sam deeply as he removed the gown from his body, his fingers ached to touch that skin that was underneath him, but he kept his distance. He pulled out Sam's boxers and got on his knees. He looked down trying not to stare at his naked baby brother. He pulled them up and carefully picked up his little brother and placed his feet on the ground. "Hold me for support Sam," he said as Sam almost fell. He felt his brother's large hands on his shoulder as he pulled the boxers up all the way, his fingers barely grazed his brother's cock, he smiled softly when he heard Sam mew. He set Sam down carefully and grabbed the pants, not looking at his brother's face, trying to hide his own erection. He felt his brother's fingers on his face and he looked up and looked into Sam's eyes.

 

"Why?" Sam asked.

 

Dean sighed. "When I left that day…I traveled to find Dad and found his journal, I saw the entry that he made about that beating, and what he wanted me to do. I felt so bad, I looked him up as a hero. God Sammy, I'm so sorry." Dean felt tears fall down his cheeks as he looked down again. He felt huge arms wrap themselves around him, he felt Sam pull him closer for a hug, and Dean dove into it, he hugged Sam close to his body. He hugged him tight, not letting him go, he broke when he felt Sam's words against his ear, "I love you Dean."

 

After a few minutes Dean pulled away, "Alright, enough of this chick flick."

 

"Alright, Jerk."

 

"Bitch," Dean smiled as he finished dressing Sam.

 

As he drove Sam to his apartment that he rented for awhile, paid in advance, to be sure that he was good to go, he started to think what would have happened if he believed Sam, he would have been able to protect him.

 

"Stop that."

 

"Huh?" Dean said as his thoughts were brought back to reality.

 

"You're blaming yourself for this," Sam pointed to the scar, "Don't, it's not your fault."

 

"But Sam…" Dean started.

 

"But nothing Dean, besides you are here with me, right?"

 

Dean sighed and continued to drive. When he arrived he parked the Impala in the back and helped Sam into the apartment. He smiled when he saw Sam curl on the couch and doze off for a few hours. He walked over and kissed his forehead.

 

"Sleep well little brother."


End file.
